Last week, I wrote about one of the cornerstones of healthy aging: Social Connection. We reviewed the science behind the role that social engagement plays in our cardiovascular health, brain health, immunity, and longevity. This deep dive gave us insight into WHY our social connections matter. Today, I want to discuss HOW we can curate and cultivate authentic relationships.

Growing up an Air Force brat and living my adult life as a “corporate wife”, I have moved around . . . a lot! As a kid, I moved six times before graduating from high school, and as an adult, I’ve moved eight times since graduating from college. The most recent relocation was a little over two years ago when we moved from Texas back to Colorado. This was a very different type of move for us for a couple of reasons. Thanks to the ability to work remotely, we moved, not because of a job transfer, but because we wanted to get back to our home state of Colorado. It was also the first move we made without our kids since having them. And guess what? When you have kids and move with them, it’s easy and natural to make friends through their schools, sports, and activities. It requires a lot more work to do it on your own.

After the first year as a transitional “honeymoon” period, I am now actively in the process of cultivating new relationships in our relatively new home. Yes, we have a lot of wonderful family and old dear friends in Colorado . . . but they’re all at least an hour and forty minutes away. We’ve had to start, almost from scratch, to make friends in our local mountain community. One thing that makes this a bit more challenging is that only about 15% of the residents are here full-time, with the rest being seasonal.

So, clearly, I’m writing this post as my own personal self-help manual. 😃

First, a Shoutout to My Fellow Introverts

I’ve often marveled at how my extroverted friends appear to be fueled by their social engagements, when, at times, for me, it can feel draining. However, I’ve learned to recognize that what I identify as “draining” is really just my need to incorporate downtime into the mix. Creating the balance I need between my social time and my downtime is an absolute necessity for me. And that’s okay!

Although it has required a self-induced push, putting myself out there and building new social connections has felt good. I’m genuinely enjoying getting to know new friends and connections in our new home. It’s helping me feel connected to our community.

How I’m Creating Connections in Our New Community

Maybe you’re like me and have recently moved. Maybe you’re in a new job and trying to make some work friends. Or maybe you’re entering the empty nester phase of life and finding that you want to establish some friendships outside of the soccer field, baseball diamond, or whatever has been taking up all of your weekend time for the past twenty years!

Whatever the reason, if you’re feeling the need to make some new connections, here are a few strategies that have been working for me:

1. Take Lots of Walks

Honestly, this one simple thing has been so valuable in meeting our neighbors. Getting outside and bumping into people, then . . . being brave and doing more than just waving! I’ve worked hard to become comfortable with stopping for a moment to introduce myself and chat a bit.

Here’s what’s great about our neighborhood – people love to be outside! With regular walks, I started seeing the same people over and over again, and having consistently nice little conversations. And this led to the next step . . .

2. Be Bold

Make the first invite. Wow – this is a big move! AHHH! Why am I like this?😂 It has not been easy, but I’ve extended myself and enjoyed the benefits! This has been the game-changer in turning neighborhood acquaintances into friends. I’ve invited neighbors to come for a glass of wine. I’ve invited some to come with us to a community event.

And even though it’s scary to put myself out there, I always remind myself of this fact: It feels good to be invited to do something. I always appreciate when someone invites me to do something, so I remember that when I’m being bold and extending an invite. People appreciate being included!

These initial invitations have led to some lovely new friendships! One of my sweet new neighbor friends has been so kind and invited me to her Book Club and Mahjong group (thankfully most of them are beginners like me!). So . . . I’m making further connections and starting to feel like a part of the community.

3. Say “Yes”

This seems pretty simple, but as an introvert, when invited to do something, my first instinct has been to say “no”. Crazy, right? I’ve had to train myself to pause, catch that instinct and evaluate it. Why am I thinking “no”? It’s usually a knee-jerk reaction to protect my comfort zone. Turning that “no” instinct into a “yes” has required a conscious effort, and I am so happy that I’ve made that change.

In fact, one of the things I say to myself, almost daily, is “Say Yes”. Thinking about going for a walk? Say “yes”. Thinking about going to dinner with a neighbor? Send the text and make the invite. Saying Yes to my thoughts and turning them into actions and connections has been so valuable for me in this process.

4. Pursue Interests and Passions in a Group Setting

Want to learn to paint or knit? Take a class. Love yoga? Find a class and become a regular. Want to support the community you’re trying to be a part of? Volunteer.

Have I done all of these things? Not yet. But the wheels are in motion and plans are set. Because I want to spend every possible moment outdoors this summer, I’ve found a yoga class that meets outside in the mornings. ✔️ Gareth and I are planning to volunteer together at our local food bank and hope to make it a monthly gig. ✔️ I really do want to start doing an indoor creative hobby, but I’m guarding my summer outdoor time. In the summer my creative outlet is gardening, and even though our growing season is short, I lean into it hard! So my plan is to sign up for a class of some sort this fall when the weather cools down. ✔️

Cultivating Old Connections

In the years leading up to our move back to Colorado, several of our dearest friends relocated to Boulder (Gareth’s old college town). This has given us easy access to our lifelong tribe of amazing friends. Having the ability to nurture these relationships and make so many new memories has been incredible.

One of the sweetest things that has happened in the past couple of years has been a reconnection with several of my college girlfriends. This has been a wonderful opportunity to rekindle a unique bond with these women who knew me “before”. Before I was a grown woman with a career . . . a wife . . . a mom. These were the girls I did life with for four formative years. We learned how to “adult” (sort of), and we were each other’s chosen family through good times and bad. We had countless shenanigans, laughed and cried together, and loved each other BIG! In the past year and a half we’ve had two big meet-up reunions, with another in the works. It has been awesome to pick up where we left off and marvel at the lives we’ve led.

Here’s what’s been the most incredible part. These girls have grown into remarkable, accomplished women, AND they are also still the silly, crazy girls I grew up with! With these friendships I feel like I’m getting the best of both worlds. I’m getting my laugh til tears run down our cheeks friends who have grown into incredibly wise women.

Fun fact – while I was writing this my friend Wendy texted into our group chat that she was thinking about us and feeling grateful. Then my friend Lynn said she was just thinking the same thing! Clearly, the connection vibes are flowing, and the shared gratitude amongst us has been transformative.

Wrapping Up

If the physiological benefits of social connection show us anything, it’s that we aren’t built to walk through this life alone. Our friendships and community give us a shoulder to lean on, and they provide us with the sweet stuff of life. Shared laughter and the common threads of friendship enrich us and help us grow as individuals.

If you take anything away from this post, I hope it’s the part about saying “Yes”. When your new friend invites you to play Mahjong – say yes! When your old friend invites you to travel to your old college for a reunion – say yes! This is the good stuff, and we deserve it.

Thank you so much for letting me share this special part of my life with you! Elevated Nesting has allowed me to connect with several old friends, and that makes all of this worth it! It is a gift to be able to collect my thoughts and have you read them and find something that resonates with you.

I’m in the midst of traveling for the next few weeks, so my writing is a bit sporadic, but I’ll be posting updates! Have a great week!